This is an article that I wrote and was originally published in the April 2018 issue of Sacramento Parent. If you want to read it there, visit this link and go to page 12.
Let’s face it, moms, having a new baby can be tough. The constant feedings and changings, the wacky sleep schedule that you must follow, the new upside-down world you now call yours, it’s hard on the body and the spirit! Your little one is here and you love that baby more than anything, but this life change comes with a new set of challenges. Even moms who don’t have babies anymore and are accustomed to their lives with children still need downtime to unwind and recharge. Here are some tips from You Made It to Motherhood: A Guide for New Moms for those who have new babies or those with old “babies”!
- Make time for self-care. This one might seem obvious, but it also can be so hard to do! A new mom, especially, is often happy if she gets to take a shower, let alone anything extravagant. Sometimes, it just takes a little creativity to find little moments that are just for you. When your baby is napping, for instance, instead of doing laundry, cleaning the house, or trying to get all those thank-you notes out, take an hour just for yourself. That can mean anything that you enjoy: reading a brain-candy novel, having a special treat all to yourself, relaxing on your deck with eyes closed and drinking in the sunshine – whatever you wouldn’t normally do because “there’s never enough time.” Take that time now for you, just you. (You’re worth it!)
- Find support – it makes all the difference. This can be very hard to do too, but if you make the effort you can find people willing to help. Often, the support is there, but we just don’t want to accept it (a mistake I made). Discard all of those ideas of “I can do this myself,” “I don’t want to bother them,” “No, really, I’m fine,” and just let people help! If someone offers to watch the baby for a half hour, and you’re comfortable with that person, do it (and go have a cup of coffee baby-free). Other means of support could be a new mom’s group (invaluable advice for free), church groups, reaching out to other new moms, or letting your aunt or moms you know with grown children have your son or daughter for a while (they love to hold a baby since they don’t get to often). Keep your mind open to different ways of finding support; it’s out there, just remember to say, “yes!”.
- Spend time with your spouse or partner. This tip is another one that is really important and is so difficult to do once a baby enters the picture, but it’s worth making the effort. Your relationship has probably changed now that you are a family of three (or more), and it’s important to stay connected to the person who took part in creating it all with you. The two of you originally had a life together “pre-baby” and going back to that via date nights or just hanging out together without a baby constantly interrupting really lets you just be a couple for a short time. It can be tricky to find someone to help you make that happen, but if you can call upon that support system, you’re nearly there. It doesn’t need to be an expensive restaurant outing, and if a movie feels too long then just go for a walk together. Re-connecting by spending alone time with your spouse or partner will improve your relationship, re-establish intimacy, and reinforce the foundation of this family you created together. (You’re both worth it!)
- Remember that is this all temporary. Having children, young, old or in-between, has both incredible and amazing moments, and extremely difficult and want-to-give-up times too. The key is not to forget that it will all change, and then change again. Babies grow (faster than we realize) and these hard times of sleeplessness and fussiness will give way to an independent crawler then walker then a toddler to a kindergartner and so it goes. It probably feels like light-years away, but it’s not. So when the times are really tough (and having an infant is hard even with an “easy baby”), know that this is all temporary. It will change – you will get to sleep normally again, your world won’t always be consumed by baby concerns, and then once you get used to it, the march of time will slowly transform things yet again. This is good news (to me). Just remember to savor those wonderful moments and breathe through the hard ones!
I want to extend best wishes to all moms out there, regardless of where you are in your motherhood journey. We have the toughest job on the planet, but we still show up every day with love in our hearts and the willingness to be there for our kids – and that’s not easy, at any age!