Writing

Money, Self-awareness, Writing

sucess chalk boardAs I start down this path of publishing and marketing a book, one repeated piece of advice I have read is to define success and what success means to me. The argument is that that most people have no real definition of success, so how can they ever reach it. In the world of writing, it is wanting to be a successful author. What does that mean? Getting on the best seller lists? Making a fortune? Turning books into block buster movies? I have yet to define mine, but I highly doubt that it will be any of those milestones. Selling 20,000 copies would be nice, but I don’t know if my dad can afford to buy that many.

What does success mean to you? We often think of it in terms of income, fame, or prestige. If you are well-known and paid extravagantly, you are successful. Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Airlines (among other businesses) appears to be a down-to-earth billionaire, if there is such a thing, and he says, “Too many people measure how successful they are by how much money they make or the people that they associate with. In my opinion, true success should be measured by how happy you are.”

Another billionaire, Mark Cuban, says, “To me, the definition of success is waking up in the morning with a smile on your face, knowing it’s going to be a great day. I was happy and felt like I was successful when I was poor, living six guys in a three-bedroom apartment, sleeping on the floor.” That might be true, but I’m pretty certain that he does not sleep on floors any more or live with six guys in a crappy apartment.

Success?
                                        Success?

For others, even defining success seems scary because what if we fail and never reach that point? We are paralyzed with the idea of even starting so we stay stuck and don’t try. One point can be made about the billionaires above, they never stopped trying. And then there is the flip-side, what if we reach our definition of success? Let’s say someone decides that success is earning $1 million in a year and this man or woman worked hard and reached that goal – their definition of success. Then what? Success attained, does he or she just roll over and die now? What next? I think we bump against this often. Why try, we ask, because 1) we might fail or 2) we might succeed.

And because of those pitfalls I think there are many of us who never stop to define success, and therefore just never stop. We’re always striving, nothing is ever good enough, once we get something that we want, we change what we want, so that we are never satisfied. We fear that if we reach that point of being completely satisfied and successful then we have nowhere to go and nothing to do, so we keep ourselves on the treadmill. And that is not a fulfilling life either because it’s never done, we never truly succeed, we keep going and going and going, until we die. That is pretty bleak.

I think I will go with the ideas of two other successful people: Maya Angelou who says, “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” And John Wooden, a very successful basketball coach with 620 wins and ten national titles who thinks, “Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.” Both are easier in theory than in practice, but something to strive for on a daily basis and over a lifetime.  What is your definition of success? Have you reached it?

 

Self-awareness, Writing

How often to do we plan for the future with the idea that everything will be perfect when that day comes? “I’ll feel good when…I get that bigger house, I get a promotion, I finish school, I lose weight, I retire…” and the list goes on. We have certain goals with a better prospect in mind. Meeting the goal would hopefully be our end result – finally reaching a place where we feel good and our needs  are met. And, now, our lives can begin, right?

sunrise
We see our future as that beautiful, rising sun.

And yet, the goal and the idea do not always meet up with reality. We fail to see that when we want something so much. You get that bigger house (I did), but now spend twice as much time cleaning it. You get that sought-after promotion, and feel great that you were chosen, but now you have so much more responsibility and spend much more time working. You finish school, only to realize that getting a job is really difficult and you miss the structure and dependability of classes. You work really hard to lose weight and look and feel great, but now must watch every little morsel that passes your lips. It’s not what we expected!

My goal was (and still is) to be a writer, and I guess I am because I write. I write things that I share with no one (because, really, no one would want to read them). I write things like this that get put out into the unknown and possibly help someone, and I write other things in hopes of getting published. Now, my goal has moved on to publishing a book, and it has not been easy. People talk about getting rejected over and over again, and that it is my experience so far, too. My “idea,” however, was that I would write that book, try hard, get it out there and it would be published! (This is where the heavens are shining down upon me and I am

Sometimes, the bright future is not what we expected.
Sometimes, the bright future is not what we expected.

looking up radiantly with a smile.) That is not the case.

I was only thinking about the end result and the “happiness” that it would bring me. I didn’t (and probably still don’t) factor in the difficult parts when imagining this “writer/published author” life. And does anyone? If we thought about all the adversity we will face, would we attempt anything? I probably wouldn’t. I often suffer from that unfortunate flaw of giving up really quickly when something doesn’t work out immediately. I try to work on that, not only for myself, but because I see my daughter doing the same thing.

So, what then, persevere and all that?  Carry on? Fight to the death? I guess it depends on how much you want it, whatever “it” is. And it also means being realistic when you sit down and think about this goal, factoring in the not-so-fun parts, the rejection parts, the this-is-not-what-I-expected parts, then keep checking in with yourself to see if this goal is still something you want to pursue. I am not saying, “it’s tough, so give up” but I don’t think stubbornly continuing when your life and goals have shifted is worthwhile. How many of us have said, “I’m doing this, even if it kills me!” Is it really worth all that much in the end? Maybe not.

As for me, I will continue to submit my book, and more than likely, continue to get rejected (“Thank you, but that project is not right for us at this time”). I don’t have a timeline yet as to when I will stop and start considering just publishing it myself, but I do have a better idea of what it takes to be a writer and to show up even when I don’t feel like it at 5:30am. It’s certainly not what I expected, but from what I have learned in life so far, when is it ever, really?